I am 17 years old and already thinking a little bit about marriage. It’s kind of hard not to be thinking about marriage, no matter how old you are – particularly as a girl. So because I like writing stories, I am going to write you a story to illustrate my point. Let’s call our character “Amy”* and our story “The Story of Amy”.
The Story of Amy
Amy, as a young girl, plays with dolls and stages their weddings. She watches movies where there is a prince and a princess and at the end they get married. She also sees that her heroes (AKA Mommy and Daddy) are married. Marriage to her is a fairytale.
Then Amy grows up a little bit and she is not quite so focused on marriage as she used to be but the idea is still there. She goes to family friends’ weddings and she reads books where there is a Mom and a Dad who are happily married and sit at the table every morning drinking coffee together. Marriage to her is just what people do, and she expects to get married herself one day.
Then Amy grows up still more and she starts to notice boys, she doodles her name with their last name in her diary and she starts dreaming about the fairy tale again. This time though, she is the princess and he is the prince. Marriage to her is desirable.
As Amy grows up she reads books about relationships, she sees articles online about choosing Courtship or Dating, she is told to hold out for a prince and not settle for a “frog”. She is on Pinterest and pinning pictures of wedding dresses and engagement rings, she is talking with her friends about all the boys that may make good potential husbands and she is dreaming up the perfect proposal that her prince must stage. Amy wants, more than anything, to get married.
The “Amys” of the World
Ok, so not all girls are like Amy but most of the girls I know are at the end stage (if they are not married already). I also know many guys who are at this stage, they may not react the same way as the girls but they also want to get married. Many of them dream of it, hope for it and look for it. They are “Amys”.
Making Marriage an Idol
There is no problem with having a desire to get married. There is a problem when you become fixated on it. There are many reasons why this can be a very bad thing.
- When you start to feel like marriage is a necessity you are reacting as if God isn’t all you need, this is because you believe you need marriage as well. In this way it becomes an idol and God says: “You shall have no other gods before me” – Exodus 20:3 (ESV)
- Getting married isn’t something we absolutely have to do. In fact look at what Paul says: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” – 1 Corinthians 7:8 (ESV)
- When you are so focused on getting married you forgot that singleness is a season in which you are able to serve God wholeheartedly. In marriage you can’t serve God to the same extent because you have a responsibility to your spouse. Paul had a lot of freedom to serve God because he remained unmarried.
I am not saying that you must stop having a desire to get married. I’m saying that it is bad to focus on it too much. Focus instead on your current family and friends and how much you can serve God in this season. Don’t close yourself off to getting married and don’t close yourself to singleness. Just see where God takes you and what He has planned for you, it’s probably much better than you have ever imagined for yourself.
*Please not that Amy is a fictional character and not based on any one specific person.