I looked in the mirror yesterday morning and I really liked what I saw, I saw a not bad looking Christian girl who wasn’t doing badly. I’m in Bible school, I’m busy learning about God and how to please Him better, I have a Christian blog, people ask me for help; I liked what I saw.
Today I looked in the mirror and I started to realise that I have a major problem. Like seriously huge. Any guesses what it is? It’s me.
Yesterday my school results were released. I may have passed, but I barely scraped through on 2/3 of my subjects and there is a chance that I have to retake those. Before they were released I was filled with pride, I was over-confident in myself thinking that I was fairly intelligent and that I would do just fine even though I hadn’t put in my best effort at the beginning of 2014.
I messed up.
And do you know what my first reaction was? It was to blame other people, to get defensive to my parents and to start thinking too much of myself again. I was a bit scared I think. After telling everyone my big plans for this year I was going to have to admit to my friends and family that I hadn’t done very well and that I now have consequences for my sinful actions.
I have spent a year thinking that I was this very big and important Christian girl who was able to get everything right, I was able to be completely independent of my parents and I found them frustrating when they told me that I needed to check my heart and top of it all, acting as though I was better than everyone else. In short terms, I have been filled with pride.
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” — Proverbs 16:18
I know this verse, I memorised it as a kid, I knew God’s warning for pridefulness but I shut it out. I shut Him out, I shut my parents out and I spent my time believing I was the best thing since a slice of bread.
Now honestly, I don’t know what to do about it yet. I need to look at that girl in the mirror and realise that she isn’t perfect. I have to suffer consequences and learn a lesson from them. I need to turn to my parents and go to them with a teachable heart. I need to go to my friends and ask them to forgive me for behaving in this way. And I need to turn to God and ask Him to show me where else I need to work in my heart.
It is time for a change. I’m starting with that girl in the mirror.