I am tired
On Friday I finished BBISA and in the last week of school I was up late finishing projects and assignments that needed to be done.
As soon as I walked out of class, I climbed into a bus and left for Kids’ Camp. It ran from Friday afternoon until Saturday afternoon. I loved it! But it was tiring.
After I left the camp at 4:15, I went home and ate some supper really quickly before I had to be at a practice for our Christmas Carol play that will be on tonight.
When that was done I went out for ice cream with my family and a friend then I came home and fell into bed after cleaning myself up.
This morning I woke up at 07:15. Well, I tried. I actually just went and got in my parents’ bed and slept there for a while before getting myself up again and getting ready for church.
Right now I am writing this while I wait to go to the Carol Service at three.
(There is a point to all of this, I am not just giving you a rundown of my week, keep reading)
Tomorrow I am going on Teen Camp. For the first time ever I will be counselling teens and it scares me. I have led kids quite a bit this year and I have grown used to their questions and I am comfortable teaching them. Teen ministry is where my heart lies, but it is different. Kids have such faith and are so willing to accept what you have to say, teens are not always so sure about you and are more wary of what you tell them. For some of these teens, I might be the first person to share the Gospel with them. And for some of those ones, they will never hear it again. Others have already heard it, and some are already saved. But all of them are likely to question me and they may not take everything as easily as the kids do.
I have Teen Camp tomorrow. I am tired, and I am scared.
I find myself asking “Lord, why?”, why would He let me have so much responsibility on my shoulders when I am like this? And “Lord, how?”, how am I supposed to do this? In fact, I don’t think I would be ready to do this even if I wasn’t tired and scared. I have so many problems in my life and they are so hard to fix. Now I have to go out and lead teens who have their own problems and want me to help them (or who don’t want me to help them, but I have to try anyway)? How am I supposed to do that?
I got the answer to my prayer pretty quickly. I am a girl who is prone to doing things in my own strength. I think I know how to do things and so I do them, often without the help of other people and even more often without depending on God. I am going into this week without that option.
Because I am tired and scared, I cannot do this in my own strength. I don’t have strength to do it in and so I have to rely on my Father to help me. I have been forced into this situation but I think it is a good thing. If I went in thinking that I could do this on my own, I would be in far deeper trouble than I am now.
I think I came to the full realisation that I was doing things in my own strength yesterday: I was hit in the face with a ball during a game. It hit me hard and gave me a severe headache. I sat down for a while and one of the head leaders noticed, came and spoke to me with concern and then prayed with me. It was such a simple thing but it really touched me. Yes I know that you can pray for anything and yes I know that you should, yes I know that God cares about the small details and that you should ask him for strength in every area. But man, I had not thought to pray about my headache. It was sorted out pretty soon after that and I was grateful to get back to games with my kids, but that short prayer that my leader said with me was the highlight of my weekend.
So I am tired but it is a good thing. I am grateful that my Saviour promises to always be with me and I will be relying on that promise this week.